the power of bumper stickers

I have finally figured out the reason that I don't have any bumper stickers. I just don't have the energy for it. I think of getting them all the time when I see good ones, but I don't think I could handle the responsibility.

When I see a bumper sticker on a car, I take it pretty seriously. I form an opinion of the person driving the car based on the bumper sticker. Think about it: the person had to feel strongly enough about whatever the message is to go buy that bumper sticker and physically put it on their car. So it must reflect on them. I see a McCain-Palin sticker or, even worse, one that says "I (heart)^ Sarah" **shudders** - I form an opinion. And it's not a good one. I want to look at the car and the person in it. Are they well-off? Do they look evil? Do they care that they are driving a gas guzzling H3 down a freeway in a city, wasting resources just because they can?? Ahem.^^

On the other hand, if I see a cool one -
Aslan is on the move
If you're against abortion don't have one
Obama for change
Coexist (which is made up of various religious symbols I can't get on here)
Ankh if you love Isis
-then I feel connected to that person. I try to catch their eye to show my appreciation for their groovy ways. But then I'm sure they think my smile is creepy, because they are probably not thinking every second they are driving about the bumper sticker they bought. And I would be. I would be waiting for reactions from other drivers. Which is why I cannot handle the responsibility of a bumper sticker.

I maybe shouldn't have the responsibility of driving and reading them either. Because if I see one more sticker that says something like "Marriage = (man stick figure) + (woman stick figure)"
I just might ram the car. #

^ It's supposed to be a heart symbol but, again, I'm having a symbol issue.

^^ I know some people might react negatively to my political views. But I don't care. If you are seriously voting for that women, you are beyond saving anyway.

#It's interesting to note that in wingdings I can get a man figure, but not a woman. So I could depict gay marriage. But seriously, how does the possibility of two men (or women) living happily together in marriage sully the whole institution, if Britney doesn't? What business of your is it anyway? And if you are married, and you think someone else's marriage may effect yours, maybe yours isn't so great.

Sharing

I had a really great moment with a coworker today. I was sharing an anecdote related to Native American wisdom (long story, but maybe I'll tell you later) and in context I had to mention my first husband, which led to questions, of course. Before I know it, I'm spilling my guts about A to this coworker. Of course, I've had him on my mind a lot lately, even more than usual, because of the memoir I'm working on. But it's been a while since I spilled like that to anyone but N.

I've always liked this coworker, and I think we get along well. But this level of sharing was unexpected. She cried. Not sobbing or anything, but there were tears. It felt really good. It made me realize that the sharing really is cathartic, and I want to do it more. I'm really hoping to continue writing this memoir until it's finished, and not just until the end of the class, which is more my usual style.

Speaking of sharing, I finally announced to the world (or my very small piece of it) that this blog was here. I only got one comment here (thanks to comebacknikki!) but I got a few email comments too. A friend from many moons ago left me a note and shared that she was in a new and good relationship, and that is awesome. I'm super happy for her, and for the fact that we found each other again. We were elementary school friends and it went into high school, but we sort of lost touch. I'm sure I turned into a crappy friend. Anyway, we had been close. And I had been close to her mom as well, who passed away when we were young and I still miss. So I think the interneet, for all its many evils, provides a lot of smiles with sharing and reconnecting.

That's my cheesy soapbox for the day. Go forth, and share with old friends and new...

self-improvement

I think I'm growing as a person. :) Yesterday was the baptism of my goddaughter, L, and it was such a good day. Well, aside from the fact that I have a few issues with L's daddy's family, but we'll put that aside for now. They're not MY in-laws, after all. And thank gods for that.

But it was good for me in that I had no jealous, envious feelings about the parents having a baby while I didn't. Which I usually do. It's hard not to feel that way, and I thought the baptism would put me over the edge. But L was such a beautiful baby, and so good, I couldn't help but be in a good mood. And I got some three month pictures of her, so I have plenty for my brag book now.

I guess part of it is that I know we have an impending date to maybe have our own good news. Right now it's buoying me up, but if the news turns bad... I don't even want to think about that. I know it will work out, one way or another.

Memoir Writing

Lat night I started a memoir writing class. It's through the Guthrie, and excellent theater in Minneapolis, two hours per class, one night a week for 4 weeks. I have been so excited since I signed up for it three weeks ago. The sad thing is, only 2 other people showed up. I guess it's the economy...the class is $100...because I've seen great turnouts at other Guthrie classes. At first, I thought it was only myself and another guy. He's a man in his sixties, pretty athletic, and a little full of himself. There are things that I like about him, but the instructor and I were both at our wits' end after him saying he would not be interested in sharing his work or critiquing others' work...I mean, it's a workshop class! What else is there? Then a girl showed up, my age or a little younger, and she's really cool and I'll stay in the class for her. I think the instructor was very worried, then felt better when she showed up. And now she's offered to share her work too, so it will be like a class of four, which still isn't ideal for a workshop but is tons better than two.

I really like the instructor. I think she seems like a great person, but possibly not the most qualified to teach memoir writing per se. She has a self-published book of poems, and the one she read last night I really liked. So I think it will be fun, but also bizarre.

The point of this, of course, is to turn my random scramblings about A into some coherent whole, or a reasonable facsimile thereof. It's just that all the memories and emotions get overwhelming sometimes, and I think writing about it all will be very cathartic. And over the years I have tried and done a piece here and there, but now I think it's time to really dig in and deal with this.

Don't talk politics with me...

I have this friend that always dishes it out, yet can never take it. He's a work friend, but he's more than that too. We connect really well, and I love him to death. But this habit of his makes me mean somedays.

The problem stems from the fact that we have differing political opinions. At least in theory. I mean, in name he calls himself a Republican. This is a problem for me, as I am seriously liberal. Though you'll notice that I don't say Democrat. He chooses "Republican" as a label, over "conservative." This is something that came up early in our friendship. We've known each other about a year now. Lately, when I mention to someone that he is "Republican" he says something like, "I don't label myself." But he had no problem doing so when we first met. Now, with the election, and the general hatred of W., (not to mention the fact that he has admitted to me he would not vote for W. in hindsight) he suddenly doesn't like labels. Ahem.

(As an aside, the reason I ever tell people about his political leanings at all is when they wonder why two people who are essentially attached at the hip are suddenly arguing. We are famous for being a twosome at work, and I think our political differences will soon be famous as well.)

So on certain days T (that's his name for now) will decide that he wants to antagonize A (that's me). He will make a jab that has nothing to do with the current conversation. For example, when teasing him about asking me to show him how to do something on the computer for the third time, he will respond with, "Those Democrats, always holding a grudge." My natural response is, "We wouldn't have anything to hoild a grudge about if not for the Republicans' antics." His response to that is to roll his eyes, take a deep breath, and act overly offended that I am "always attacking him." Yeah.

So, ignoring the fact that he always refers to me as a Democrat, which I have told him is really not the case, it also annoys me that he starts a fight he can't finish. I'll be the first to admit that I don't like my beliefs maligned. I believe things for a reason, as I've already blogged about. So of course I will defend myself. And I will do it every time I am poked. I finally had that talk with him today, so we'll how how it goes...

love, blessings

Charles Baxter wrote, "When you’re in love you don’t have to do a damn thing. You can just be. You can just stay quiet in the world. You don’t have to move an inch."

I think that’s really true. I’m blessed to be in love, and I think we do a lot of staying quiet together, just being, not moving an inch. And I think it’s great, because all the hustle and bustle of being single, even watching another person do it, is so tiring. And really, isn’t all of that hustle and bustle just an attempt to find a person with whom you can get to the place where you can just stay quiet together? So finally getting there, being there, is blissful.

Except I don’t think that’s true for a lot of people. I am always listening to women at work bitching about their S.O. And then they act as if it’s a rite. Of course they have complaints, because that’s how things are supposed to be. And the fact that I have nothing to complain about with N just means we haven’t been together long enough. If I wait for it, there will come a time when I have nothing good to say about him, when I’ll be glad he’s away for a night, a weekend, even better a whole week! Well I think that’s sad. Why do we have to drift into these stereotypical responses?

N and I have been married almost five years, together for 6.5. That’s not a phenomenally long time, but it’s a bit of time. And in that bit of time I have never regretted being with him, never wished he would go away, never had the urge to vent to "the girls" about him. I wanted to be with him in the first place because I love who he is, and I still do. That’s not to say that he’s perfect, or that I am or we are. But there is never a day when I am not grateful for him in my life.

This may sound like boasting, and I guess it is. I don’t mean to come across that way. For people who are in genuinely unhappy relationships, I am very sorry. But in general, I think women who are in good relationships still find things to vent about, because it’s fashionable. But N and I don’t talk that way to each other, how fair would it be to him for me to turn around and talk about him in public? I say keep your laundry, whether it be clean or dirty, in your own house. If people could practice being grateful a little more, I think they’d find it catching.

I think it's nice to sit still with N. And we have been so stressed and unstill lately due to the whole fertility fracas. I try so hard not to get in the dumps about it, or whine, but it's hard. I try to remind myself that if I start asking "Why me?" about the bad things, I'll have to ask about the good things too. And although I've had some definite downs, I think my life has been mostly ups. I don't want to forget that. I want to take the time to appreciate all the ups as they come.

Sports Fan

You know you're a baseball fan when you leave the stadium after your home team's disappointing loss and immediately turn the radio to another game to make sure the rivals are also losing. Even better when you get home and, since you have to turn off the radio, run in and find the game on television. If the White Sox lose tonight,the Twins won't have completely screwed themselves by losing this afternoon.

It's interesting to me that I am so into this now, since I used to hate sports. Well, I thought I did. But I never liked gaming until A taught me how to do it right either. And N loves sports, so when we got together he made it fun for me too. The first time I went to the Metrodome I fell in love. It was so cool to see it all in person, hear all the fans, smell the hot dogs. :) Of course, back then I didn't eat them, but I've recently trained my stomach, because it's so much more fun with a Dome dog! The first season I really only cared if we were there. But then I started to get to know the players, and I would watch a little bit if I came across the game on television. Then I started tuning in on the radio on the way home from work. By now, I'm hooked. I'm not obsessed...I don't memorize stats or watch every game. But I have played fantasy baseball, and I do find myself watching other games that have an effect on the Twins' season. :)

I also enjoy watching basketball with N. He says baseball is his number one sport too,but I think he loves basketball more, but enjoys me loving baseball. Anyway, basketball I mostly like when we go to the game. If we watch at home I'm mostly reading and just looking up to check the score or to see a good replay. Football I mostly just put up with. I don't mind if it's on,and I think I mostly get the rules now, but it's not exciting. Unless Peyton Manning is playing, because he's hilarious. :)

So yeah, I guess I'm a sports fan. Who knew?