6 months

I can't even remember the last time I wrote. Time has been flying! C turned six months yesterday, and I swear it has been the fastest six months of my life. He is such an amazing baby. We took more than six years to get him, and now all the tears and doctor visits and all the times we heard the word "no" seem like nothing. He was so worth the wait, he is exactly what he prayed for. Like we spent all that time making a list of qualities, with every little fantasy we had we were building a list, and he is exactly all of that. Does that make sense? It's not like we wanted a baby and we got a baby, it's like we wanted a particular baby and we got that one. He's awesome. He's sweet and funny and smart and...just awesome. So there you go. Enough bragging for now. Off to enjoy the rest of a rare day off...

Mommy

As it turned out, I had to be induced. Then I ended up having a c-section. C came on 10/27/10, and it was the best day of my life. N says it was the worst day of his life because he hated seeing me in pain, but then became the best day when the baby finally arrived. He is beautiful. I mean, of course I think so, but other people say so too, so it must be true. I'm still on maternity leave, until Jan 17th, and I am loving it. I have never been this happy.

But today we visited his daycare, and I cried when we left. It's a nice place, and the teachers are nice, but I cannot imagine leaving him with strangers. I know I have to go back to work. I even want to - I love my job. But I wish I oculd have the best of both worlds. Maybe carry him around in a Snuggli all day. It will only be 4 days a week - N will be with him on Fridays, which rocks. But after being home with Mommy all day every day for 12 weeks, suddenly leaving him there for 8 hours, 4 days a week, seems so mean. And he'll be the littlest one in his room. All the other kids are crawling, and one is walking! He can't fend for himself. Not that I expect him to need to, but...

I know in my head that I am doing the right thing. But my heart is terrified. I have this week and next week to get used to the idea. And to cuddle him like it's going out fo style!