Mommy

As it turned out, I had to be induced. Then I ended up having a c-section. C came on 10/27/10, and it was the best day of my life. N says it was the worst day of his life because he hated seeing me in pain, but then became the best day when the baby finally arrived. He is beautiful. I mean, of course I think so, but other people say so too, so it must be true. I'm still on maternity leave, until Jan 17th, and I am loving it. I have never been this happy.

But today we visited his daycare, and I cried when we left. It's a nice place, and the teachers are nice, but I cannot imagine leaving him with strangers. I know I have to go back to work. I even want to - I love my job. But I wish I oculd have the best of both worlds. Maybe carry him around in a Snuggli all day. It will only be 4 days a week - N will be with him on Fridays, which rocks. But after being home with Mommy all day every day for 12 weeks, suddenly leaving him there for 8 hours, 4 days a week, seems so mean. And he'll be the littlest one in his room. All the other kids are crawling, and one is walking! He can't fend for himself. Not that I expect him to need to, but...

I know in my head that I am doing the right thing. But my heart is terrified. I have this week and next week to get used to the idea. And to cuddle him like it's going out fo style!