There's something about having four days off that really makes work kick your ass when you get back. Yesterday and today have both been crazy, and I see no end in sight. I'm taking a few minute breather to write in here because otherwise I might start tearing my hair out.
I've had two resident die in the last 3 days, one sort of expected, and one a complete surprise, and both broke my heart. It definitely makes you think about the decision to work in long term care. In some ways, it wasn't much of a decision. My friend J got me the job at the small facility where she worked at the time, and then I transferred to the big house, which we call it because it is the biggest nursing home in the state, but it also houses the corporate offices for the company. And before I became a nurse I worked in central supply, in staffing, as a nursing assistant and a TMA. So when I got my RN, I could have left and moved on the the hospital world, but by then this already felt like home. You really build relationships with people here, and their families, which you can't do during a three day hospital stay. And most days I love it. Usually I don't say I love my job, because the paperwork and the bureaucracy I could do without. But I do love interacting with the residents and being a part of their day. They make me laugh a lot. And on days like today, they make me cry. I think it's worth it, because it proves they had an impact on me if I am so done in when the dies. But it doesn't make it any easier. And there's no time to mourn when there's so much work to do.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
OBAMA!!
Even though I wanted to stay home and watch the inauguration coverage all day, I had to come to work. But I did get to see Obama being sworn in and most of his speech, and I am so excited! I can't believe I am actually interestedin hearing a President talk. The last eight years, I had to read transcripts of speeches if I wanted to get the gist, and even then they were hard to stomach. Bush's voice was too much for me to take without an increased blood pressure. But things are changing, and I can't wait to see how it all plays out. I'll always remember where I was when he was sworn in. I hope someday I have grandchildren to tell about it.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Random Hostility
I am strangely amused by angry people on the internet. I can Stumble around for a whole night, looking at strange things and then reading the comments that people leave, and I love it when they get angry. It cracks me up. Like there'll be a picture of a dog hugging a baby, and some freak will be so outraged that a person would let this happen, not to mention take picures of it! They swear and call people names, and I just don't understand where all the hostility comes from, but it's hilarious! You should really try it sometime.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Liberalism
I really hate politics. The other night at work I really got into it with a coworker - a person that I generally get along really well with - over the abortion issue. I know, I shouldn't have been talking about it at work, but you know how these things get started. There were actually three of us, but two of us agreed and were debating the third, and it got emotional and the third walked out. I was worried, because I do really like this person, but it's always disturbing to find out just how much you don't have in common with someone. We share the fertility issue, so it's odd that it leads us to opposite opinions on abortion. Well, I had my opinion long before I knew I had issues, and it hasn't changed, but still. She pointed out that her fertility issue was the reason she felt so strongly about it. Anyway, the next day we talked, agreed to disagree, and things are okay. But it really got me thinking.
Anyone who kows me knows that I am extremely opinionated. And although I might apologize for offending someone at work, I won't apologize for who I am and what I stand for. And I am always thinking about what I stand for. Especially because I have recently acquired some Republican friends, which is disturbing to me. Actually, I hate labels. For example, I am liberal, there's no way around that, but I do not consider myself a Democrat. And I don't care, neccesarily, if someone considers themselves to be Republican, or conservative, or whatever. Because I don't think on party lines, anymore than I vote that way.
It's like this. I have an opinion on any given topic; let's say abortion, due to my recent discussion. I believe my opinion to be right, obviously, or what would be the point of having it? But part of my opinion is wrapped up in the idea that I may be wrong, that there may be another way to look at it. And that is the most important part, for me. What aggravates me about someone who is conservative on this issue, the pro-lifer, is that they do not see that there could be any other choice than their own. So it's not the position itself that bothers me, as much as the arrogance. Does that make sense?
I can explain it in more concrete terms. First I need to say that pro-choice is not the opposite of pro-life, as a standpoint. I think a lot of people make that mstake. Pro-choice is a middle ground. And my own personal take on the issue is this: I am against abortion. I don't like the idea of it, I don't think that I could do it myself (although I have never been tested, so who knows) and I wish there was a way that no one would ever need an abortion again. However. I am also a realist, and I believe it is necessary to function in the real world. Abortions will occur. There will be personal tragedies, medical emergencies, and stupid mistakes. We are human. And if we outlaw it, that will not stop these things from happening. Believing that it will is living in denial. If we force women to do it on the sly, in bad medical conditions with no one to oversee it, we will kill more people, rather than saving them. That's what I think. If it is legal, good doctors and nurses can help people.
The point here is that what my personal decision would be does not have any bearing on anyone else's personal decision. I can think of what I would do, but I can conceptualize that someone else might need to make a different decision. And it is not my place to judge or regulate that decision. Nor is it the government's place. In my humble opinion, this is an issue that should never even be on a ballot. And there are other issues that fall under this category too, but I won't go into that now.
And I don't like it when people play the religion card. I may not seem like it to some, but I am one of the most religious people I know. I've read your books, and I've gone to church, and I pray to the God I have known all my life. There is nothing you can say, nor any verse you can quote, that will convince me to change my mind.
So the big point is this: I have an opinion, but it is not as important to me as knowing that my opinion is not universal. Nor would I want it to be. And that is what bothers me the most about people who vote the conservative side. They have a opinion, and they do want it to be universal. What I believe, you should believe. What I do should be done by all. To me, that is horribly arrogant. And excuse me, but even if your conservative beliefs have a base in religion, does that give you the right to judge? Another reason the religious angle angers me. I do believe in God, but I don't believe he appointed me judge over anyone else. In fact, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't approve of it.
Anyone who kows me knows that I am extremely opinionated. And although I might apologize for offending someone at work, I won't apologize for who I am and what I stand for. And I am always thinking about what I stand for. Especially because I have recently acquired some Republican friends, which is disturbing to me. Actually, I hate labels. For example, I am liberal, there's no way around that, but I do not consider myself a Democrat. And I don't care, neccesarily, if someone considers themselves to be Republican, or conservative, or whatever. Because I don't think on party lines, anymore than I vote that way.
It's like this. I have an opinion on any given topic; let's say abortion, due to my recent discussion. I believe my opinion to be right, obviously, or what would be the point of having it? But part of my opinion is wrapped up in the idea that I may be wrong, that there may be another way to look at it. And that is the most important part, for me. What aggravates me about someone who is conservative on this issue, the pro-lifer, is that they do not see that there could be any other choice than their own. So it's not the position itself that bothers me, as much as the arrogance. Does that make sense?
I can explain it in more concrete terms. First I need to say that pro-choice is not the opposite of pro-life, as a standpoint. I think a lot of people make that mstake. Pro-choice is a middle ground. And my own personal take on the issue is this: I am against abortion. I don't like the idea of it, I don't think that I could do it myself (although I have never been tested, so who knows) and I wish there was a way that no one would ever need an abortion again. However. I am also a realist, and I believe it is necessary to function in the real world. Abortions will occur. There will be personal tragedies, medical emergencies, and stupid mistakes. We are human. And if we outlaw it, that will not stop these things from happening. Believing that it will is living in denial. If we force women to do it on the sly, in bad medical conditions with no one to oversee it, we will kill more people, rather than saving them. That's what I think. If it is legal, good doctors and nurses can help people.
The point here is that what my personal decision would be does not have any bearing on anyone else's personal decision. I can think of what I would do, but I can conceptualize that someone else might need to make a different decision. And it is not my place to judge or regulate that decision. Nor is it the government's place. In my humble opinion, this is an issue that should never even be on a ballot. And there are other issues that fall under this category too, but I won't go into that now.
And I don't like it when people play the religion card. I may not seem like it to some, but I am one of the most religious people I know. I've read your books, and I've gone to church, and I pray to the God I have known all my life. There is nothing you can say, nor any verse you can quote, that will convince me to change my mind.
So the big point is this: I have an opinion, but it is not as important to me as knowing that my opinion is not universal. Nor would I want it to be. And that is what bothers me the most about people who vote the conservative side. They have a opinion, and they do want it to be universal. What I believe, you should believe. What I do should be done by all. To me, that is horribly arrogant. And excuse me, but even if your conservative beliefs have a base in religion, does that give you the right to judge? Another reason the religious angle angers me. I do believe in God, but I don't believe he appointed me judge over anyone else. In fact, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't approve of it.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Welcome 2009
I have really cool coworkers. I have an appointment today for which I need a $20 copay, and of course I forgot to stop at the ATM. So I asked one friend, and he didn't have it, but then he asked another person and she is loaning me the $20 until tomorrow. So nice!
Also, I was asked by my boss yesterday to help her out with a super secret mission (which makes it sound more important than it is), but it makes me feel good. I've been feeling not so positive about work these last few months, over four months actually, and now it's beginning to look up. She actually said she appreciated me. Wow.
So I never did a "look back at 2008" kind of thing. It was definitely a year. At the end of 2007, N and I looked back and decided that it had been the year of drama, and we decided that we were sick of it. So we declared that 2008 would be the year of the recipe. Having finally gotten settled in our house, we thought we would spend the year cooking and perfecting our favorte recipes. That lasted until March, when we got Loki, and it quickly turned 2008 into the year of the puppy. Training the puppy, playing with the puppy, learning to get home to the puppy, feeding the puppy. It's been a long puppy year. But now he is eleven months old, and while he is still crazy, there has been improvement. Of course, this week we inherited N's parent's cat, Charlie, for the remainder of the winter, and that is causing a whole new puppy wrinkle. Puppy finally gets his big boy bark. But we'll get through this too.
Also, we started the whole in vitro plan this year, which is still in progress. Not to much to say about that, except that it has been difficult, and trying, and I applaud N and I for handling it as well as we do.
So I have a different job that is starting to get more comfortable, no kid yet but a good plan in place, a beautiful house (still not quite 100% decorated, but great nonetheless), and a fantastic husband. I think 2009 will be a great year.
Also, I was asked by my boss yesterday to help her out with a super secret mission (which makes it sound more important than it is), but it makes me feel good. I've been feeling not so positive about work these last few months, over four months actually, and now it's beginning to look up. She actually said she appreciated me. Wow.
So I never did a "look back at 2008" kind of thing. It was definitely a year. At the end of 2007, N and I looked back and decided that it had been the year of drama, and we decided that we were sick of it. So we declared that 2008 would be the year of the recipe. Having finally gotten settled in our house, we thought we would spend the year cooking and perfecting our favorte recipes. That lasted until March, when we got Loki, and it quickly turned 2008 into the year of the puppy. Training the puppy, playing with the puppy, learning to get home to the puppy, feeding the puppy. It's been a long puppy year. But now he is eleven months old, and while he is still crazy, there has been improvement. Of course, this week we inherited N's parent's cat, Charlie, for the remainder of the winter, and that is causing a whole new puppy wrinkle. Puppy finally gets his big boy bark. But we'll get through this too.
Also, we started the whole in vitro plan this year, which is still in progress. Not to much to say about that, except that it has been difficult, and trying, and I applaud N and I for handling it as well as we do.
So I have a different job that is starting to get more comfortable, no kid yet but a good plan in place, a beautiful house (still not quite 100% decorated, but great nonetheless), and a fantastic husband. I think 2009 will be a great year.
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