God and the Indigo Girls

I think that God is speaking to me through the Indigo Girls.

Or, my already over-analytical mind is reading too much into everything in the wake of our little tragedy, and I've been listening to IG a lot, allowing me to read into them more than usual.

The first one sounds way more interesting. I have been listening to them a lot lately, because the new album came out, and I finally replaced all the other albums I was missing, so it's been fun catching up. And there have been some lyrics that really get to the heart of things, although that's always been true of the girls, which is why I love them so much.

From Despite Our Differences, I Believe in Love, " there are avenues and supplements and books stacked on the shelf, labyrinths of recovery in search of our best self, but most of what will happen now is way out of our hands so just let it go see where it lands."

N and I have been talking a lot lately about letting go, trying the whole "Let go and let god" thing. But we do have avenues and books and labyrinths of recovery all involved in this whole endeavor. It's a lovely saying, "let go and let god, " but it's a lot harder than it sounds. Like faith isn't hard enough on its own, but then you have to add the idea that the concept you're trying so hard to believe in will take care of your heart's desire better than you could. It's a lot to swallow. But strangely, it's easier when things are this hard anyway. And more neccessary.

Then there's Everything in its Own Time, from Shamin of the Sun, "A lesson learned, a loving God and things in their own time, In nothing more do I trust. . . And when the winds have blown things round and back again What was once your pain will be your home Everything in its own time Everything in its own time."

Again, the idea that things come in their own time, that there is a plan, is lovely but difficult. But if we can have a baby, if we can get there, then I think our pain will be our home.

I'm glad that Noah and I made the choice to go to church when we did. It's comforting now, if still a little confusing. And yes, I know that religion is the opiate of the masses, blah, blah blah. I know I am falling into the same trap of those that I have mocked for years. I'm okay with that. Sometimes, things are too heavy to carry on your own. And if I have to be a hypocrite to lessen the load, then so be it. Only I don't even think of it as hypocrisy. I've always wanted to make the leap, to get back to where I had been before the doubt came creeping in, in the wily guise of knowledge. But I could never make it on my own. So now I have this pain, which gives me the fuel to make it further across the great divide than I have in years.

And I have, apparently, the Indigo Girls to help interpret. It could be worse. :)