Mom trouble

After days of waiting, my mom showed up at about 10:30 on Thursday night. When she came in, my first question was, "What's up with that leg?" Her right leg was swollen and an angry red color. When I touched it, it was hot. Apparently, she hit her leg on their grill - over two weeks ago! She had a scabbed over little puncture wound, and a raging infection. The next day I made her go to urgent care. N took her, because I had to work. Sure enough, IV antibiotics, a prescription for orals, and as assignment to come back the next day to make sure it was improving. There are a couple of mind blowers here.

First, why didn't she do something about it earlier.? She flew to Hawaii to see my niece graduate, which is awesome. But she walked all around there, then did a week long road trip from Cali to here, including some sightseeing. From the pictures, it seems like the swelling was even worse then. Why would you not get it checked out?

Second, why does she always come to me to be ill? About two years ago, she had a heart attack while she was visiting me. Thank God I got her to the hospital on time. And if I hadn't made her, would she have ever gone in about her leg? The thing is, everyone else was telling her all along, but she only went when I told her to.

As my sister says, at least she listens to someone. And I appreciate that, but it's difficult for me. I'm here in MN, she's in AZ or MA, or en route. I can be with her all the time. What if the leg had been even worse, and she had not come to see me right then? What if she had been at home when the heart attack happened? Even then, she didn't want to go to the hospital, and I had to force her. The doctor told her that if I hadn't made her come in, she'd be dead. That's a little more than I can handle.

I do have a great support system. Two years ago I spent a lot of her hospital time on the phone with two of my sisters. And the other day I called one of them to vent about the leg thing. She was in Hawaii with my mom, and had been trying to get her to have it looked at the whole time.

But I already have guilt about choosing a life that kept me away from my mom. I haven't been around her on a daily basis since I went to college. And sometimes I am really sad about that. I won't go all into it, but my three sisters and my brother have complicated relationships with my mom. I do too, but I also know that if I lived near her I would spend more time with her than any of them do. It's the cruel irony of my life. But the truth is that I love my life here. For all the guilt I have about it, I wouldn't have the quality of life on the east coast that I do here. And I don't actually miss the area, just the people.

So the fact that I can't take care of her when she needs it really worries me. Her significant other (I never know how to refer to him...they're not married - and even if he were, I'm a little old for a stepfather- and boyfriend sounds weird when you're over sixty) tries to convince her to take care of herself, but apparently she ignores him too. After the heart attack, the only way I made myself okay with her going to AZ (at least in MA my other siblings are there) was believing that he would take care of her for me.

So while I bitch about my mom only listening to me, I want her to keep doing so. I guess it's good juju that's she's with me when craziness occurs, since I'd want to be with her. I just wish that she would take good enough care of herself and listen to others as well. I'm so worried about what will hapen when I'm not there. The truth is, I can't handle the thought...no, I can't even type it.

Anyway, we went back in today and all looks well. I've got her ace wrapped, and she's taking the antibiotics, so I hope it will be better soon. I'm going to enjoy this visit, and wait to feel guilty again until she's back on the road.