let down again

This is the last time that I am going to write about this. At least until it's no longer an issue. And I actually just wrote this whole thing and lost it when it wouldn't post. More aggravation.

I am not pregnant. Again. There was a test yesterday and it was negative. When I got the call I left work and went home so N and I could have a big pity party. And now I feel better. Not great, mind you, but better. I know that it will work out eventually, one way or another. Keep on trucking, and all that.

I am, by nature, a happy person. Even when sad, horrible things happen, I feel it and then recover pretty quickly. I mean, my brain has a natural drive to be in a good mood. Of course, that doesn't mean I can stop myself from experiencing the sadness over and over again. But my general happiness will come back soon after a blow. In some ways, I guess that's good. But sometimes I wish I could accomplish longer periods of initial sadness and just get it out of my system.

Part of the horribleness this time around is that I told too many people, against even my own better judgment. So yesterday and today there have been sad faces and well wishers to contend witn, including my sobbing mother. It's so nice that people care, but I would rather be miserable in secret. Which is why this is the last related post. From now on, the official party line is, "No comment." I can neither confirm nor deny the stage of the invitro project, only that it is still in progress.